As most good stories happen to do, this one begins at 6:30am with a Small Human scringing.

I am 100% lying. No good stories start like that but it is how today began so here we go. I do like to be honest, after all.

Dafties who harmonise together, stay together! (because no one else would put up with them)

We had a morning of Julia Donaldson books and TV adaptations of a couple of her books before a super visit from one of my amazing Mammy Mates and her two wee boys for some play, some tea and some peanut butter brownies.

My sous chef wondering if anyone would notice one banana mysteriously went missing.

The weather forecast was still pretty rough for today but there were no sign of snowfall after lunch so I decided to enjoy having time with our pals (because, let’s be honest the people I like will be the people she likes.) and schedule in big sling walk for later.

I cannot put into words how much I love seeing her interact with other humans, especially other Small Humans. She’s currently either brilliant at sharing or just awful. Today was a bit more of the latter, but in a really weird way. She had no issue with her wee pal eating her biscuits, playing with her toys or balls. She loved having a second, tinier baby to pat on the head but did not like anyone touching her books! I knew she liked her extensive library but wow it was unexpected to have tears over it.

It didn’t last long though and we had a fab morning, another warm soupy lunch and a lovely Skype chat with Nana before naptime. Not for the first time did I consider strapping my fitness tracker to her little wrist as she dragged her Nana all over the flat during the course of their conversation. There was no wrestling the tablet from her tough little mitts so Nana must have had a great time staring straight up Daftie’s nose.

Feeling somewhat reminiscent of her being a newborn, being taken out for a big sling walk during the fabled Witching Hour, we bundled up for a dander.

The wind has totally died down and there was a lovely warmth in the air. We headed off in the direction of the big Morrison’s and went for a nosy down the Waterfront Park. The small expanse of water was frozen over in places, the snow clung to the bridge and branches. It was really lovely.

We made it home, with a little bit of hat swapping along the way, just in time for dinner. Our expedition was just under an hour and we hit roughly 6,000 steps. I finished off the rest of them with my friend Leslie Sansone again. It is a really weird thing to walk actively in one’s living room but it also is a lot of fun and means we made it over our 10,000 target!

Day 2 done and already excited for tomorrow!

Spot the difference. Wee tinker kept nicking my hat! (Her’s should be the pink one that fits her, rather than doesn’t fit me!)

“Please tell me you didn’t do your walking outside today?” Actual words from Wee Daftie’s Official Unofficial Auntie Numbnuts today.

Of course I did! Well, not all of them. It is literally blowing a storm outside and I believe her name is Emma. I did have to start 31 days of walking a minimum of 10,000 steps a day during the worst possible weather, didn’t I? Well done, Cal. Regardless, it’s a good cause, I’ve made a promise and I am beyond stubborn so let’s crack on!

It’s not Wee Daftie’s first time in the snow so I’m not too worried about whether or not she’ll enjoy walking in it as I know she does. She does however hate the wind. Understandably. But also currently unfortunate. We took a small 10 minute spin in the snow after breakfast this morning to see how cold it really was and what her take on the whole situation was. As predicted, she loved it til the winds picked up.

Following a warm and yummy soupy lunch, in which there was a lovely break in the weather, I decided to take a gamble and hoik us out for a wander/trudge/stumble through the snow.

After wrestling with first Daftie, then our Caboo and then both together, I managed to sling her on my back and off into the snow we ventured!

The lesser spotted Daftie in her natural habitat, snuggled up to Mammy, pretending she can’t hear the singing.

Now. I frequently (daily? Hourly?) find things about my little girl that make me laugh, scratch my head and wonder just how odd she is. I mean, I do like her but there is good reason her nickname is what it is. Today was no exception.

Amazingly, she fell asleep while we were out. We went for a 34 minute, 4,000 and a bit step walk in the howling wind, driving snow and bitter cold and she ends up napping.

Check out battle scars! The unforgiving storm ruined my eyeliner. She also stayed in this position, snoring like a warthog, for a good hour after we made it home.

After running about the living room, chasing after bouncy balls, having a dance party and making dinner, we made it to just under 7,000 steps by 6pm! Amazing! I was super chuffed so finished off the final 3,000 thanks to YouTube and Leslie Sansone Walks at Home after tucking my funny girl into bed.

Who knows what tomorrow will bring but fingers crossed we can head out for a bit.

Day 1 done. Bring on the rest!

Let’s talk fashion.

I love clothes. I don’t think I follow “fashion” necessarily – and anyone who knows me well can attest to that! – but I do like being able to express myself through what I wear. Colour, accessories, graphic t-shirts, really ugly patterns.

I am a bit weird though when it comes to dressing Wee Daftie. I’m not massively girly myself so I don’t instinctively reach out for pink and frills. I definitely embrace being feminine but think it’s more important to look like your personality and not just your gender.

One thing that has really bothered me for years, even before I found out it was pregnant, was the huge difference in boy’s clothes and girl’s clothes. So many of retailers have similar notions of what is appropriate for kids’ clothing. The aspirational quotes you read are so different some times it makes me sad. Boys are invited to be “Future Scientists” and girls are offered “Daddy’s Little Princess”.

I personally loved pink as a little girl. My 8 year old self chose pink walls, bedding and curtains for my bedroom adorned with Polly Pocket, Barbie and My Little Pony. I did also have a huge collection of toy cars, a massive love of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (Raphael is still my fav) and I loved climbing and playing sports.

My point is, it doesn’t have to be one or the other. Batman costume with fairy wings? Awesome. Frilly pale yellow dress with sports socks and runners? Excellent!

The older she is getting, the more choices she is starting to make. From silly things like which shoes to wear (she has two choices. Wellies or shoes) or continually wanting to wear hats indoors or deciding which “jacky!” before we head out, it’s clear this little idiot is working out what she likes.

Now that my Wee Daftie is an actual, legit toddler and vaguely capable of…some things…I really want to try and keep her involved in household activities. One of my nephews went through a gorgeous phase of wanting to help sweeping when he was little so I’ve been curious to see what she might like to do.

Emptying cupboards.

I’m not necessarily saying it’s unhelpful but it’s not the first thing I would have hoped she would do as a cute “chore”. She is very neat with it though. She’ll start with the tubs of cocoa, cacoa and baking powder. Then progress to the bottles of oil, balsamic and fish sauce. Finally, out come the tins of beans.

Thanks to a troublesome Nana and Auntie Numbnuts, she learned how to stack said items. It’s like watching the most nerve wracking game of Jenga.

Looks so innocent, doesn’t she? But I promise you, that Nana is usually up to some mischief.

My favourite thing was when I discovered that if you ask her to put them “back” she will. Or, when she gets bored of lining them up, she will just start putting them back herself. Which IS useful.

The best thing about this is that she really does think she being useful when she empties the cupboard or clothes basket, when she hides onions into the cereal boxes in the corner cupboard. This became apparent the other night, on our way to bed, she spotted one of her toys in the hall. Her determined wee self bent over, picked up the toy shouted, “Back!” and started walking to the living room. Seeing as she was being so helpful I decided to facilitate her by opening the living room door. The second I did, she gleefully yelled, “Back!” while throwing the blocks full force through the open door before walking back to her room, full of pride and achievement.

So close.

Check out the latest board game Precariously Stacked Cup. Thanks Nana and Auntie Numbnuts.

So last March, I Walked Over Cancer raising money for Cancer Research UK. I walked 10,000 every day and I started a blog to go with it.

I’m starting it all over again this year!

Honestly, I really enjoyed the challenge last year but I think this year will be even more fun and rewarding as my Wee Daftie will be doing a lot of the walking with me. She was there for most of it year but she was only 8 months when I started so didn’t exactly join in. This year? Well she has more energy and excitement for walking than anything I can amusingly simlie so she will be using her wee legs to march along beside me.

So please come and walk with us, in person or just in spirit!

I’m planning on writing and sharing a new blog post every day again for the month of March so enjoy! I think that’s the word I’m looking for.

Cancer is shite. I can’t fix that but I can try to help.

A Day in the Life.

Predicting other people, Daftie shaped or otherwise, is pretty impossible. Usually though, when you have some sort of control over their routine, you can have a decent stab at guestimating what will happen next. And then you get days like today!

6:47am I decide to wake up. I like singing first thing in the morning, just to make sure Mammy hears. This morning, I think I’ll this new thing I’ve heard of called “Scream singing” or “Scringing”. Hopefully it’ll work cos I’m already bored of being awake!

7:10am Ooh that feels nice. Mammy has just taken my nappy off so I think I’ll go for a wiggle and a walk while she gets a new one. Hehe! Now she wants to play chasing. I’ve really been working on my running. She’ll never catch me!

7:11am So it seems Mammy has been working on her running too. Now. Let’s read that book again. I haven’t heard it yet this morning! I know it’s Mammy’s favourite. She always asks if I’m *sure* I want to read it *again*. She’s so funny. As if 6 times in a row is enough!

8:05am Yummy! I love porridge! And blueberries. I think, for a change, I’ll pick each individual blueberry out first and eat one-by-one.

8:06am Hey! What’s that in Mammy’s bowl? It looks like porridge and blueberries! I love porridge and blueberries. I should try hers too. Just in case.

8:30am I really love singing. Mammy loves my singing when she’s washing up. I’ll throw in some drumming to this new song! No Scringing this time though. Not sure Mammy understood its subtle nuances.

8:45am Where’s my pirate book? Mammy hasn’t read it since this morning…

9:05am I’m sure Mammy said that we had to do washing today. I know how I can help! While she’s in the shower, I’ll empty the wash basket. One item of clothes at a time. I think I’ll put them on the toilet seat so she can see how hard I’m working! Oh look my shaker! I better put that somewhere safe. I know! The laundry basket it only half full now. It’ll be nice and safe in there!

10:30am I know Mammy said that we were going out soon but I think she’ll be okay with me having a rummage in my favourite cupboard. I don’t think I’ll eat any cereal right now but I will put the onions into the cereal box. Just to keep them safe. I’d hate it for Mammy’s onions to go missing. Oh I think I hear Mammy calling. I’ll just close the door over. Well most of it.

10:59 I am so excited to be going to soft play! We get to go on a bus, I get to stare other people on the bus, I get to talk to other people on the bus! This is great! And Caboo is so comfy. I know I like sleeping later in the afternoon but if I were to fall asleep anywhere, I like falling asleep in here! What’s Mammy saying? Oh we’re getting off soon? Brilliant!

11:01 Zzzzzzz *snore* zzzzzzz

11:35 *Yawn* Oh! I thought we were going to soft play? This looks like Tesco. Oh hello lady cashier! Why is Mammy giving me side eye? All I did was have a little nap! If she wasn’t so comfy…

11:45 Yay! Soft play! Yay! All the things. Yay! Slide! Yay! Balls! Yay!

1:00 Oh yummy! Lunchtime. Mammy has made picnic for us on the living room floor. There’s a big plate of pizza for us to share. I can see cheese and bread and mushrooms and peppers and tomatoes! I’ll wait and see what Mammy has first. Oh her piece looks like the best. I’ll just reach out my hand…and…got it!

1:05 Oh. That piece Mammy’s eating looks so tasty! I’ll just reach out my hand…

2:00 Books! I love books! Let’s read some with Mammy. I’ll just pick my favourites. There. 15 will do. To start with.

2:01 Let’s read that one again!

2:03 Let’s read that one again!

2:05 Let’s read that one again!

2:07 Let’s read that one again…wait. Where’s it gone? What’s that weird thump like a book being dropped behind the sofa? Oh! Mammy’s reading my pirate book!

2:10 Let’s read that one again!

3:30 I’m feeling a bit grumpy. I probably should have had a longer sleep earlier. Oh well I think I’ll just let Mammy know that I’m tired but not quite sleepy. She’s just about to boil the kettle so this is a good opportunity. I’ll run up, plant my face into her calves and whinge a bit. She’ll know what I mean. Oh I think it’s working! She’s picking me up!

4:00 I love cuddles on Mammy’s knee. As a treat, or so Mammy says anyway, we’re watching something called “Disney”. It’s quite funny and really colourful and Mammy keeps singing along. Her singing isn’t as good as my Scringing but she seems happy so I’ll humour her on this one. It’s better than the usual rubbish she sings to me.

5:00 Mammy’s helping me hanging out the washing! She’s doing it wrong though. Every time I take something off, she puts it back on! Oh yay! My stripey tights! They make a great scarf. Or hat. Or both.

6:00 Dinnertime! Mammy has made some lovely fishcakes. I love fishcakes. Num num num. Oh! Beans!

6:03 Oh. Mammy’s fishcakes look different to mine. I’m not sure what it is. Maybe they are bigger? No. Smaller? More round? Do her’s have more fish in them? Maybe more peas? Either way…I’ll just reach out my hand…

6:25 Mammy drinks a lot of water. She deserves a treat! I’ve heard about people flavouring water with fruit. I wonder if anyone has tried peas and beans? I’m a revolutionary!

7:20 Time for a Big Kiss, Big Cugger with Mammy. I’ll just smush my face into hers. She loves that. She always laughs and says “Thanks Baby” when I do it. Mammy lies me into my bed with Little Nutbrown Hare and Woody. Oh the light’s gone out. Time for some more singing. Night Mammy. We can do it all again tomorrow.

I am grateful for mucky handprints. 

Crucially, mucky handprints that are the result of a tiny person giving you a hug. 

Specifically, cold, sticky, food-laden digits that leave a trail of food in the baby hairs on the back of your neck. 

Can you see the mild orange tinge to my skin? Delicious. 

Why am I grateful for something inherently gross? Because they occured at the end of a rough week for my poorly Wee Daftie. She was happy, covered in dinner and just wanted to give her Mammy a hug – and not because she was miserable, just because she wanted to. 

We had a lovely weekend last weekend, taking advantage of some not terrible weather and having a bit of family time before my Big Human headed off for the North Sea. 

On Sunday, Wee Daftie started to sound a bit snotty and had a wee cough but nothing drastic. On Monday, she went through peaks and troughs of being her usual happy self and being the single most miserable Small Human ever created. She had a small temperature so at bedtime we gave her some Calpol to help her through the night. 

Tuesday she got a bit worse and I ended up taking her up to the Sick Kids as her fever spiked. She had, what I now understand to be, a febrile episode. Essentially, her poor little body spazzed out through the sudden big change in temperature. When she took her odd turn, I didn’t hesitate to call an ambulance.

Now, I would like to proclaim a few things. 1) so far, we have been lucky that this was the first time Daftie was properly ill. Sure we’ve had teething and growth spurts and a wee temperature here or there but on the whole she’s a healthy nugget. 2) the NHS is fab. We have been so well taken care of pre and post Daftie. 3) when I am in serious situations and subsequently when I talk about them, I do rely on humour to get me through. So if I seem flippant, I guess I am but it’s only because it’s a coping mechanism. I’m not a worrier by nature. I am quite instinctive and calm in classically stressful situations. I, truthfully, don’t see the value in worrying about things. 

I’d never been in an ambulance before so that was fun.

The paramedics were fantastic. They were so good with Daftie. They were concerned enough to make me feel like I wasn’t overreacting or being a panicking new parent. They were super patient, calm and understanding. They also thought I had a medical background as I was offering useful information, detailed facts about what had happened. And they genuinely laughed at the voicemail I left for Numbnuts, denying her curry.

(I am first aid trained, if that counts as medical.)

The round trip from leaving our house to getting back home again was barely over 3 hours, which was amazing. We were seen really quickly and were asked to stay for about an hour, just in case. Luckily, Numbnuts had received my voicemail telling her what was going on and that my kind offer of cooking her tea that night may have to be put on hold. Being the brilliant Official Unofficial Auntie that she is, I had help entertaining Wee Daftie with books and grapes while we waited to be hold we could go home. 

Nothing to see here. Just a Daftie wearing her leggings like a scarf. Totally normal. 

It’s taken my girl til today, Sunday, to return to herself again. I’ve felt so sad for her. She was trying to keep going and playing and walking but just not having the energy for it. Her appetite was down and her sleeping was horrendous. All very normal and expected of a poorly baby, just out of character.

So last night’s disgusting cugger from my Wee Daftie, her little fingers happily covered in the remnants of beans and fishcakes – the first proper meal she finished in a week – was the best thing that had happened this week. And something I am extremely grateful for. 

My Wee Daftie is an independent individual. 

At baby sensory, she used to sit nice and still as the next activity was being set up and then crawl off to the opposite side of the room and away from the organised fun. We have some lovely toys for her but she really would rather chew on my pens, pull the DVDs from the shelf, roll about on the floor or, most recently, walk. 

And not necessarily walking with any purpose. If I leave the living room door open, she’ll walk to our bedroom and back. If the door is closed, she’ll do laps of the kitchen. Pacing the floor, back and forth, up and down. There are times when I honestly don’t think she’ll ever stop. Well, aside from stopping for food. In that case she’ll just reach up to her highchair, steal her plate and start eating dinner while it’s still being prepared. 

As she grows and develops, she is continually learning new things and it’s such a privilege to see all the changes and skills she picks up. Literally. She has mastered picking things up while standing and bending over. This has evolved into walking while holding things. Shoes. Blankets. 

Balls.

Toys.

Okay so maybe she hasn’t picked up the table. Yet. One daft step at a time. 

“I see pride! I see power! I see a badass mother that don’t take no crap offa nobody!” 

Famous words from a famous film – and one of my all time favourites. Cool Runnings. It is an immense film and used to be my go to for when I was sick. My amazing Mammy has even been known to go out and rent it for me when I was ill. 
What does this have to do with Wee Daftie? Well, she hasn’t seen the film, nor is she sick but she does like shouting at herself in the mirror. 

Babies discovering their reflection and their own features is a fun thing to watch. Reaching out and smiling at the Mirror Baby in front of them and then looking super confused when they see the same baby but in a different place. 

It’s reached the stage where we can’t walk past a mirror, spoon, glass surface, microwave, without my Wee Daftie sticking her face in for a good nosy. She does also like smiling at herself while waiting for Nana or any of her cousins to answer the Skype call. (Luckily, she does actually smile more at the new face that answers than at her own) 

(Let me just take a moment to check myself out as I unlace Mammy’s shoes…)

She does two really funny things in front of mirrors currently. The first one is to roll around on the carpet in our bedroom, back to tummy and back again, while gazing at herself in the full length mirror. I discovered this new hobby of hers one day recently, literally while my back was turned. I had been putting away some laundry and heard this weird rustling sound. Low and behold, there she is, squirming on the carpet, eyes locked in the Mirror Baby imitating her. 

We tend to leave doors open in our house. She’ll be quite happy pottering about the living room with her toys and then disappear for a quick Roll and Gaze ™.

My other favourite thing, and the inspiration for this post, is her habit of chatting away to herself in the mirror in her room, just before her bathtime. As she has been finding her voice, the chatter has been getting more distinctive and a tad louder. Oh and also naked. I knew I’d left out a vital detail. A small, daft, nakey baby grinning at herself, slapping her bare chest and telling herself what she sees in herself. I hope it’s what I see in her. 

One badass baby right there! 

I broke my scales today. Not the ones for weighing humans – I may have put on a bit of weight recently but that’s another story – but my kitchen scales.

They weren’t particularly special. Just some cheapo basic ones that I got for a fiver. Plain white, non digital, simple.

I hadn’t put them away properly and they decided to try their hand at kitchen parkour when I opened the cupboard. They hit the floor with a thud and a crack and were rendered useless.

This happened 2.5 minutes after cleaning up a jug of cream that I sent flying all over the counter top (or “bunker” if you’re a mad Scotsman like my Big Human) and formed a gorgeous puddle on the floor. Not the best start to my evening of panna cotta making.

I looked at my scales and just sat on the floor beside them. Poked them for a bit. Tried to adjust the dial. No luck.

I felt really sad. I didn’t cry but I did feel a bit bereft. Which was silly as they weren’t special. Okay so I’d had them for ages but they weren’t sentimentally valuable, any more than they were monetarily worth anything. As my Big Human pointed out, while probably trying to work out why I was on the floor, they had served me well and I had definitely gotten my money’s worth. (Ah. Appealing to my frugal side. He really does know how to sweet talk me)

After my Big Human sat with me for a bit, before he scooped me up and onto my feet again, I realised two things.

1) I am extremely lucky. Despite the unconventional beginning to our relationship, my Big Human is quite awesome. He was perfectly happy to just let me be sad. He was willing to sit with me, even if he didn’t really get it. He was also strong enough to pull us both up and carry on. (And reattempt the almost forgot and abandoned panna cotta.)

2) The other thing that hit me is that hormones are weird. This whole having a baby malarky really has had a drastic effect.

I mean obviously.

In some ways, you can get your head around the idea of having a small human entirely dependent on you for survival.

You can make peace with the numerous physical changes you go through.

You can just about cope with the sleep deprivation and the things it can do (anyone else tidied the coffee jar away into the washing machine instead of the cupboard? Just me?)

The bit I still struggle with is the huge shift in my emotions.

I have said it before, but I am honestly the most content I have been in years. Every now and then though, I find myself getting teary over virtually nothing. Pre-Daftie, the running joke was that I was dead inside. More specifically, I was like a Daim bar – soft on the outside, crunchy on the inside.

I don’t mind at all being a bit of a softie these days but it is weird finding myself getting glassy eyed at adverts on TV. I feel a wee prickle and a sniff listening to certain songs. I find myself blinking away tears over passages in books I’ve read before.

None of these are bad at all. Emotions are great and definitely worth sharing and expressing. These hormones just have to answer for!